


Terms of Affection

by brumalbreeze



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-08 04:02:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3194621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brumalbreeze/pseuds/brumalbreeze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rei realized he was a little different from the other boys in his class when he was in sixth or seventh grade. While they were busy sneaking inappropriate magazines into class and peeping at them during lunch, Rei was busy reading his books and studying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Terms of Affection

**Author's Note:**

> Here's my contribution to Day 1 of [ReiGisa Week 2](http://reigisaweek.tumblr.com/prompts2). Even though the prompt is technically "gender," I changed it a little so that it's "sexuality" instead.
> 
> Many thanks to [paranormowl](http://www.paranormowl.tumblr.com) and [omgrojii](http://www.omgrojii.tumblr.com) for beta-reading!
> 
> (My commissions are open! For more information, [please see here](http://algidwind.tumblr.com/commissions).)
> 
> This is part of a loose series. The other stories which follow this theme are (chronologically) _Terms of Affection_ , [_Conversation at Half-Past Four_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1130529), [_Sleep: Cotton Candy_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1413415/chapters/5547104/), and [_Paradigm of Aesthetics_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1058385).
> 
>  
> 
> Also on [Tumblr](http://algidwind.tumblr.com/post/108489908973/terms-of-affection-rei-nagisa).

Rei realized he was a little different from the other boys in his class when he was in sixth or seventh grade. While they were busy sneaking inappropriate magazines into class and peeping at them during lunch, Rei was busy reading his books and studying.

Once or twice, they dragged him into their secret huddle and showed him the books which were filled with double-spreads and spread-legs. The difference between him and the other boys became even more apparent when his first thoughts upon seeing the images were, “Oh, so that’s what it looks like,” and “That’s gross,” and not “Isn’t she sexy?” like his classmates.

Rei didn’t mind it though. He had other things, like his grades and club activities, to worry about, so his lack of interest in girls and sex didn’t bother him.

As a boy who was going through puberty, however, he did have his own needs to take care of. It wasn’t to say that he didn’t enjoy masturbating. It felt good, but other than the few times he absolutely had to, like when was showering or felt too frustrated before going to bed, Rei wasn’t very invested in jerking off. It was nothing special to him.

It wasn’t until he was a little older that he stumbled upon the term “asexual” while browsing websites. Rei couldn’t remember now how it came to be, but, out of a pure curiosity for learning all things, he had started reading more about it. And the more he read, the more he realized that those terms on the pages seemed to describe _him_.

At the time, he had thought, “Oh,” and that was it. It was satisfying to know that he wasn’t the _only_ one who felt that way—because, concretely speaking, Rei thought that sex was really gross and unhygienic, and he couldn’t understand why his fellow classmates were always so concerned with it.

But even then, it wasn’t too big a deal. Rei wasn't interested in labelling everything anyway. And whether he was asexual or not wasn’t going to affect his future. After all, Rei didn't plan on finding a significant other.

He had better things to do with his life, and dating was not very high on his list of life aspirations. Having a crush on someone made people act silly, and Rei didn’t find that beautiful at all. He had had one or two crushes before, but after snapping out of them, he kind of hated himself. He felt like such a fool for letting his emotions get the better of him and swore never to let his heart override his logical mind again.

Rei was thirteen when he swore that, and it was never a problem until he was sixteen.

  


* * *

  


“Heeey, Rei-chan, _please_? C’mon! I promise I’ll pay attention when we’re studying later, so pleeease?”

Rei made small noises of protest as his friend clasped his hands around his arm and vigorously rubbed his head against his shoulder.

“Na-Nagisa-kun, if you eat now, you’ll ruin your appetite for dinner!”

“That won’t happen! I eat a whole lot, so it’s not like I’ll get full from just this. And I promise that I’ll properly eat later!”

The nuzzling stopped, prompting Rei to look down at the blond. It was a mistake, because his friend’s bright eyes were looking so imploringly at him that the guilt overwhelmed him. Rei felt his resolve chipping away in the form of a high, indecisive whine coming from the back of his throat. Nagisa pouted just a touch more, and he broke down.

He swallowed dryly. “Alright, fine! But just one, okay?”

“Yay!” Nagisa threw his arms up in the air and spun around happily. “Rei-chan’s the best!” he cheered.

“And is steadily becoming poorer, thanks to you,” he sighed as he reached for his coin purse.

Nagisa skipped ahead of him to the taiyaki cart which was sitting in front of the train station.

“Hello!” he greeted the vendor cheerily. He scanned the list of different types of fillings and suddenly let out a dramatic gasp. He urgently gestured for Rei to hurry up and get closer.

“What is it?” Rei asked wearily as he prepared to pay.

“Rei-chan!” the golden-haired boy enthused, “They have a special, limited-edition Iwatobi-chan-shaped taiyaki with strawberry milk-flavored cream filling!”

“What?” The incredibly long string of word combinations left Rei feeling a little disorientated and dizzy.

“Iwatobi-chan taiyaki! That’s filled with strawberry-milk cream!”

Instinctively, Rei wrinkled his nose. It sounded incredibly sweet. He could barely even stand the regular red-bean filled taiyaki, but strawberry-milk cream was overkill. But when he looked at Nagisa again, he couldn’t bear the thought of turning him down.

With a defeated air, Rei simply said, “Okay.” In the back of his mind, he felt vaguely like a mother buying her child an afterschool snack as he went up to the cart, ordered one Iwatobi-chan taiyaki, and paid for it. The vendor politely handed him the top-heavy Iwatobi-chan and warned him that the filling would be hot.

Rei nearly ran into Nagisa when he turned around to hand him the pastry, he was standing so closely.

“Rei-chan!” he squeaked excitedly. His eyes sparkled with anticipation.

Despite himself, he smiled at how childishly adorable Nagisa was acting. He felt his cheeks flush a little. “Right. Here you go,” he said while carefully giving him the cream-filled sweet. The wax paper which the treat was wrapped in crinkled as it passed between them.

“It’s so warm!” the shorter boy said happily as he curled his hands around it. He giggled and brought the taiyaki up to his face to warm his cheeks. “Thanks, Rei-chan!”

“You’re welcome,” he replied while fixing his glasses. “Now you’d better remember your promise earlier and pay attention when we’re studying today.”

“Auf coarse,” Nagisa said in a muffled voice as he carefully peeled off the spongy edge of Iwatobi-chan’s head with his teeth and revealed the piping hot cream inside. Steam rose from the soft-pink filling. “M’so glad dere selling thisf ‘ere ooday! Thish’s reely goo’!”

Rei was unfortunately able to understand everything Nagisa had said, since the shorter boy spoke with his mouth full so often but he still scolded him with an automatic, “Please don’t speak while eating.”

Nagisa was practically melting next to him as he continued eating. He let out an inarticulate groaning hum which Rei interpreted as, “It’s sooo good!” Playfully, Nagisa leaned his entire body against Rei and lolled back and forth in a show of bliss.

“Nagisa-kun…” he protested weakly. His body became warm, which he should have been thankful for since it was so cold out, but it was embarrassing to have the golden-haired boy practically roll all over him in broad daylight. His heart pounded loudly in his chest, but there was nothing Rei could do to stop it.

He swallowed and bit his lower lip while Nagisa giggled, still eating his taiyaki.

It smelled so sweet and warm. So sweet and warm, and Rei wanted nothing more but to lean down and kiss Nagisa to taste just _how_ good the taiyaki was.

  


* * *

  


There was one thing that Rei was sure of: it was definitely not platonic love he felt toward Nagisa. It was a deeper, more emotional, more… touchy-feely love. But not _too_ touchy-feely.

Rei let out a long sigh and turned to his side. He tugged his blankets up to his chin and closed his eyes.

He thought about the shorter boy—his smile and eyes, voice and dimples, hands and cheeks. His own face burned in embarrassment as he thought about Nagisa and felt his heartbeat accelerate as if he had just finished sprinting a 200-meter butterfly race. Rei yanked the blankets over his face and buried his nose and mouth into the soft fabric. A despairing noise threatened to leak out of his throat, but he suppressed it somehow.

Rei imagined running his fingers through Nagisa’s soft hair and kissing his forehead and eyelids, then his cheeks and nose. The shorter boy would giggle while kisses rained upon him until Rei kissed him on the mouth and smothered him with affection. It would be a soft kiss with maybe a little bit of tongue…

Beneath his blankets, Rei touched his fingertips against his lips and wondered what it would really feel like to kiss his best friend. He dipped his fingertip slightly into his mouth to feel the moist inner lip and hard teeth. He bit the first joint of his middle finger and nervously nibbled his way down to his knuckle.

 _How embarrassing_ , he thought as he rubbed the back of his fingers against his dry lips. He pursed them slightly to mock a kiss and left his hand alone.

Hands…. Rei began to think about holding hands with Nagisa. The blond’s palm and fingers were smaller and slimmer than his, so they would probably fit perfectly together. Warm, slightly sweaty and nervous, palm against palm and fingers tightly clenched between each other…

Rei swore he was going to die from mortification as he thought about how shyly Nagisa would look up at him with their hands intertwined. They would be completely red, and Nagisa would just sneakily peep at him while smiling uncontrollably. Rei couldn’t stop smiling either, it was such a sweet image. At the rate he was going at, he would probably end up suffocating under his blankets.

He groaned and rubbed his face agitatedly for how itchy his cheeks had become. Definitely not platonic love, he decided.

His imagination hesitated for a second, and he rolled onto his back. He laced his fingers on top of his stomach neatly and tried to control his breathing. Rei swallowed nervously and let his mind wander again.

What if they weren’t just kissing and holding hands? What if they were doing more than that? If Nagisa was lying on his bed—the one he was on right at that moment—and shirtless? With messy hair and flushed cheeks and lips…. Rei’s eyebrows furrowed as he squirmed. He frowned. Somehow, it wasn’t a pleasant thought.

The image in his head faded away. He tried again.

His hands were slipping down Nagisa’s back, their skin damp with sweat as the shorter boy arched into him. Nagisa had his lips pressed against his neck as he whimpered and sighed. Rei’s hand reached farther down to the loose, stretchy hem of Nagisa’s boxers and—stopped.

He groaned. Nothing. If anything, trying to think of Nagisa in a lewd situation just made him feel uncomfortable.

One last try. Perhaps if he imagined himself being touched, he thought.

 _Rei-chan_ … the Nagisa in his mind was saying as he kissed his way down his chest. His warm tongue slipped out to lick his nipple, and Rei slid his hand beneath his shirt to try and actualize the fantasy. The shorter boy was rubbing himself against his knee and moaning softly as his hands touched him everywhere. Hot breath spilled over his skin as Nagisa giggled and went lower to his pants, where—

No, Rei thought as he rolled to his side and curled up. It wasn’t so much that he was _disgusted_ , but the lewd thoughts he tried to conjure up made him feel… bad. Not in a sense of guilt—although there was some of that too, because it was his _best friend_ he was imagining in such situations—but in personal discomfort. Thinking of “sexy” thoughts didn’t turn him on at all, and imagining himself in those scenarios was a definite turn-off.

If it wasn’t him or anyone else he knew—or any real person who actually _existed_ —he would have no problem imagining them in such scenarios. Sometimes, that was the only way he could relieve his own sexual frustration, since he could become aroused by imagining fictional pairings in fictional situations. But he didn’t like to think about real people and thinking about himself was even worse. It simply didn’t work.

But he didn’t want anyone except Nagisa. Even with simple things like holding hands or cuddling, he just wanted Nagisa.

It wasn’t platonic love, and there was nothing with being asexual. There was nothing wrong with being asexual….

Rei closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep while his heart thundered in his chest and anxiety pressed against his throat.

  


* * *

  


“It’s weird, right? Like, there’s no way I even need a waffle maker that doubles over as a pancake warmer, but when I’m sitting there watching the TV, it’s like I suddenly _need_ it! I think TV salespeople use black magic or something, y’know, Rei-chan?” Nagisa gesticulated wildly while walking. “Like, they have mind control that makes people want to buy their weird stuff….”

Rei was listening, but his mind was somewhere else. He kept glancing at Nagisa’s hands and mouth and then looking away quickly when he caught himself doing it.

 _Would Nagisa-kun be okay with me if we didn’t have sex? Would he_ want _sex?_ he thought while his friend continued his nonsensical conspiracy theories. Rei’s heart suddenly dropped as he remembered another huge issue. _What if he doesn’t like guys? What if he doesn’t like_ me _…?_

“Rei-chan?” Nagisa had stopped walking and was standing directly in front of him with a worried expression. “By this time, you usually would have been like, ‘Nagisa-kun, don’t be preposterous. It’s only because of the blah blah blah that makes you want to buy their products!’ or something.” He waved his fist around, but when he noticed that Rei wasn’t puffing up angrily because he was doing another poor imitation of him, Nagisa became quiet. “Are you okay? Is something worrying you? You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

“I’m fine,” Rei answered automatically. But then he paused and furrowed his eyebrows. He thought back to how painful it felt when Nagisa had been suffering and keeping everything a secret until he ran away from home and everything came to a head. Rei didn’t want to lie to his best friend. After a long, heavy moment, he sighed and confessed, “No… I’m not alright. I…. Could we talk later? When we’re back home?”

Nagisa swallowed nervously and nodded. He seemed to understand that whatever was bothering Rei, it was really serious. “Sure,” he agreed. “Of course.”

“Okay,” Rei said. He felt guilty for worrying his friend, so he smiled a little.

The golden-haired boy mirrored his uneasy smile as well.

  


* * *

  


The heaviness of the situation had made both of them sit properly with their backs straight and their feet tucked beneath their legs. Nagisa looked incredibly concerned, but Rei was just trying not to look at his friend. They had barely come back a few minutes ago after their silent journey to Rei's home. There was no one in the apartment except for the two of them, since Rei’s parents wouldn’t return from work until late.

Rei didn’t know where to begin. The shorter boy was being so patient with him, and he knew he should just come out and say it, but he couldn’t. He sat with his hands pressed against his knees hard. His fingertips were shaking.

“Nagisa-kun, I...” he said with an unsteady voice. Rei stopped and breathed in slowly. He kept staring at a spot on the floor a little to the right of Nagisa. His mouth was completely dry, and his pulse was loud in his chest, throat, and ears. “I like boys.”

Nagisa didn’t say anything for a moment. “Thanks for telling me, Rei-chan. I’m… I’m really honored that you trust me so much to tell me,” he said with a wavering voice. “You shouldn’t have been worried though, because I would _never_ think of you any differently just because of who you like—”

“I like you,” Rei blurted out on impulse. The wind in his lungs left him completely, leaving him to croak out, “I like you, Nagisa-kun.”

He felt light-headed, and his vision was flickering black around the edges with spots all over. Rei dug his nails into his palms to keep himself steady. He couldn’t pass out now.

“I—”

“I’m sorry!” Rei apologized suddenly, ashamed for being so impulsive. “I shouldn’t have said that. Even if you don’t mind that I’m gay, m-my liking you must disgust you and make you feel uncomfortable. I just—I just needed to tell you that….” His words had come out in a flurry at the beginning, but by the end of his confession, they had become small and withdrawn, folded in like how Rei was. He clenched his eyes shut and turned his face away.

The only thing he could hear was the visceral drag of his blood against his eardrums and his ragged breathing. He felt like crying. This had been a bad idea from the beginning, and he hadn’t been prepared for this confession. It was too early, and he was still too confused.

His messy words and raw emotions were so unsightly. Shame formed as a hard and sharp knot in his throat and no matter how many times he swallowed, it wouldn't go away.

Clammy, quivering fingertips touched the back of his tightened fists, startling him out of his mild panic attack. Rei’s breath stopped as he looked in front of him again, where Nagisa had suddenly appeared with scared eyes and shaky breath.

“Rei-chan?” he asked rather than said, “I-I like you too. I like you too, and I—”

Driven again by blind impulse, Rei suddenly reached up with his sweaty hands and placed them gently on Nagisa’s cheeks. He was about to press their mouths together but a split-second of indecision stopped him. Breathlessly, he asked, “May I kiss you?”

Even asking the question was almost enough to break his resolve and make him skitter away, but Nagisa nodded too quickly with wide-blown eyes and red cheeks, and Rei was drowning in _not_ platonic— _definitely_ not platonic—love.

Their first kiss was a lot drier and shakier than he thought it would be, but it was so warm and sweet, and Rei suddenly didn’t even care anymore. His heart was pounding more out of fear and nervousness than anything, but he was actually _kissing_ Nagisa, and Nagisa _liked him back_.

He could almost cry.

They pulled away a few seconds later, faces hot and sweaty.

Nagisa was the first one to let out a stunned, breathy laugh and flung himself at Rei. They embraced each other hard and laughed, still shaking from nerves and adrenaline.

“Nagisa-kun…” he called out incredulously, squeezing his arms a little tighter around the warm body before him, as if making sure he wasn’t dreaming. He buried his neck into Nagisa’s shoulder and neck and breathed. “I like you so much.”

“Mmn,” the shorter boy nodded against him, his chin digging into his back. “Me too. I like you a lot.”

He could stay like that forever.

  


* * *

  


It must have been a long few minutes after that when they finally untangled themselves and somehow ended up shyly crowded on Rei’s bed. Their backs were to the walls, and their hands were linked uncertainly between them as they sat side-by-side. Neither of them could bring themselves to look each other in the face, but both of them were blushing like mad.

Rei’s heart was still thudding, but he wasn’t done with his confessions for the day yet. He squeezed Nagisa’s hand, and the golden-haired boy returned the gesture.

“Nagisa-kun, I… I have to tell you something else.”

The shorter boy nodded briefly.

“I really do like you, and if you don’t mind me, I’d be honored if we could… maybe go out… um, as boyfriends. But—before that, I wanted to let you know that I might be… asexual.”

“Asexual…?”

Rei took in a deep breath. “It means that I’m not sexually attracted to anyone.”

“But you like me, right? You just said.”

“Yes, but it’s… different.”

“What do you mean?”

He swallowed and licked his lips. “It’s like…. People can have two orientations, sexual and romantic. So you know about ‘heterosexual’ and ‘homosexual,’ right?”

Nagisa confirmed this by nodding again.

“But there’s also ‘heteroromantic’ and ‘homoromantic’ too. Actually,” Rei furrowed his eyebrows, “there are a lot more other terms, but for now, let’s just focus on these four, okay?” Nagisa squeezed his hand comfortingly, even though it was getting kind of sweaty and warm.

“People usually use ‘heterosexual’ and ‘homosexual’ to explain who they like. Heterosexual people like others of the opposite sex, and homosexual means they like people of the same sex. But that’s not _completely_ accurate.” Even though he wanted to hold Nagisa’s hand forever, Rei was too excited and politely extracted his fingers from Nagisa’s so that he could start gesturing. “The ‘sexual’ part of the word indicates a person’s _sexual_ orientation, as in who they are sexually aroused by, but sexual orientation doesn’t always have to be the same as a person’s romantic orientation.”

He was talking a too fast now, but Rei was really excited to explain these things to Nagisa. He had done so much research before, and now it was finally time for him to teach someone else.

“For example, I’m homoromantic and asexual, which means that I like men—” he glanced shyly over at the blond “but I’m not sexually attracted to anyone. I don’t get ‘turned on’ by anyone. There are a lot of combinations of sexual and romantic orientations. Like heteroromantic and heterosexual, or heteroromantic and asexual, or bisexual and biromantic…. But there’s also demisexuality too.”

Rei paused. “Demisexuality is when someone doesn’t feel sexual attraction toward another person until they’ve formed a really deep emotional bond with them but… it’s kind of hard to tell if someone is demisexual or asexual until they’ve had the chance to create a strong emotional bonds with others….”

The entire time, Nagisa had been listening quietly, and now, he looked curiously at Rei.

The taller boy started twisting his fingers together. “I don’t know if I’m asexual or demisexual yet, but…. Nagisa-kun, I really want to be with you. I understand that you have urges too, which I might not be able to deal with when the time comes, so I wanted to tell you this first—in case you want something more out of a relationship, and I can’t give it to you….” He lowered his voice. “I don’t want to trick you into a something that you won’t be happy with.”

A soft, heavy weight settled against Rei’s side. Nagisa snaked his arms clumsily around him and buried his face into Rei’s shoulder.

“Don’t say that, Rei-chan. I don’t mind at all,” he said in a muffled voice. “Just because you might not want to have sex doesn’t mean that we can’t be together. I don’t care about things like that, because the one that I like is _you_ , Rei-chan. And I know that we can work things out together, even though you’ll have to help me out a lot and keep explaining this stuff to me. So don’t say things like that….”

Rei choked on a sob and turned his body so that they could hug properly. “Nagisa-kun…!” His heart swelled in joy.

The shorter boy hugged him back hard. “Thank you for telling me all this though, Rei-chan. I’m really, really honored.” They remained like that for a while until Nagisa shyly said, “This means that we’re boyfriends, right?”

Rei drew back and looked at him in the eye. He smiled proudly, the word making his heart flutter. “Of course!”

Nagisa giggled and hid his face against Rei’s chest. The tips of his red ears were barely visible to the taller boy.

“Rei-chan?” the blond asked quietly. “We can still hold hands though, right?”

“Yes.”

“And kiss?”

Rei chuckled slightly and started petting Nagisa on the head. “Yes.”

“And cuddle? I like cuddling a lot, you know.”

“I know. And yes.”

A hot gust of air seeped into his shirt and against his skin as Nagisa heaved out a huge sigh of relief. “Thank goodness! Because I really like holding hands with you, and I definitely want to kiss you more.”

Rei didn’t need to see Nagisa’s face to know that his boyfriend—his heart leapt again—was grinning widely against him. He smiled happily and pressed his face into the crown of Nagisa’s head.

“Nagisa-kun, please treat me kindly from now on,” he said gently.

The shorter boy giggled and nodded softly. “Please continue to take care of me as well, Rei-chan.”

**Author's Note:**

> I based Rei's sexuality [almost entirely] on mine, so if you wanna chat it up about asexuality, hit me up on [Tumblr](http://www.brumalbreeze.tumblr.com) anytime! C=


End file.
